Seasons and episodes
1
Season 1 9/22/2003
-
1 - 1Pilot 9/22/2003 -
1 - 2Big Flappy Bastards 9/29/2003 -
1 - 3Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell 10/6/2003 -
1 - 4If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap 10/13/2003 -
1 - 5The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump 10/20/2003 -
1 - 6Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? 10/27/2003 -
1 - 7If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake 11/3/2003 -
1 - 8Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful 11/10/2003 -
1 - 9Phase One, Complete 11/17/2003 -
1 - 10Merry Thanksgiving 11/24/2003 -
1 - 11Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor 12/15/2003 -
1 - 12Camel Filters + Pheromones 1/5/2004 -
1 - 13Sarah Like Puny Alan 1/12/2004 -
1 - 14I Can't Afford Hyenas 2/2/2004 -
1 - 15Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1) 2/9/2004 -
1 - 16That Was Saliva, Alan (2) 2/16/2004 -
1 - 17Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats 2/23/2004 -
1 - 18An Old Flame with a New Wick 3/1/2004 -
1 - 19I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You 3/22/2004 -
1 - 20Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark 4/19/2004 -
1 - 21No Sniffing, No Wowing 5/3/2004 -
1 - 22My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet 5/10/2004 -
1 - 23Just Like Buffalo 5/17/2004 -
1 - 24Can You Feel My Finger? 5/24/2004
2
Season 2 9/20/2004
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2 - 1Back Off, Mary Poppins 9/20/2004 -
2 - 2Enjoy Those Garlic Balls 9/27/2004 -
2 - 3A Bag Full of Jawea 10/4/2004 -
2 - 4Go Get Mommy's Bra 10/11/2004 -
2 - 5Bad News from the Clinic? 10/18/2004 -
2 - 6The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance 10/25/2004 -
2 - 7A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana 11/8/2004 -
2 - 8Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers 11/15/2004 -
2 - 9Yes, Monsignor 11/22/2004 -
2 - 10The Salmon Under My Sweater 11/29/2004 -
2 - 11Last Chance to See Those Tattoos 12/13/2004 -
2 - 12A Lung Full of Alan 1/3/2005 -
2 - 13Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow 1/17/2005 -
2 - 14Those Big Pink Things with Coconuts 1/31/2005 -
2 - 15Smell the Umbrella Stand 2/7/2005 -
2 - 16Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth? 2/14/2005 -
2 - 17Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam! 2/21/2005 -
2 - 18It was 'Mame,' Mom 3/7/2005 -
2 - 19A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise 3/21/2005 -
2 - 20I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey 4/18/2005 -
2 - 21A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On 5/2/2005 -
2 - 22That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother 5/9/2005 -
2 - 23Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab 5/16/2005 -
2 - 24Does This Smell Funny to You? 5/23/2005
3
Season 3 10/24/2005
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3 - Episode10/24/2005 -
3 - 1Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts 9/19/2005 -
3 - 2Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover 9/26/2005 -
3 - 3Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark 10/3/2005 -
3 - 4Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs 10/10/2005 -
3 - 5We Called It Mr. Pinky 10/17/2005 -
3 - 6Hi, Mr. Horned One 10/24/2005 -
3 - 7Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop 11/7/2005 -
3 - 8That Voodoo That I Do Do 11/14/2005 -
3 - 9Madame and Her Special Friend 11/21/2005 -
3 - 10Something Salted and Twisted 11/28/2005 -
3 - 11Santa's Village of the Damned 12/19/2005 -
3 - 12That Special Tug 1/9/2006 -
3 - 13Humiliation Is a Visual Medium 1/23/2006 -
3 - 14Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded 2/6/2006 -
3 - 15My Tongue Is Meat 2/27/2006 -
3 - 16Ergo, the Booty Call 3/6/2006 -
3 - 17The Unfortunate Little Schnauser 3/13/2006 -
3 - 18The Spit-Covered Cobbler 3/20/2006 -
3 - 19Golly Moses, She's a Muffin 4/10/2006 -
3 - 20Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro 4/24/2006 -
3 - 21And the Plot Moistens 5/1/2006 -
3 - 22Just Once with Aunt Sophie 5/8/2006 -
3 - 23Arguments for the Quickie 5/15/2006 -
3 - 24That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite 5/22/2006
4
Season 4 9/18/2006
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4 - 1Working for Caligula 9/18/2006 -
4 - 2Who's Vod Kanockers? 9/25/2006 -
4 - 3The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress 10/2/2006 -
4 - 4A Pot Smoking Monkey 10/9/2006 -
4 - 5A Live Woman of Proven Fertility 10/16/2006 -
4 - 6Apologies for the Frivolity 10/23/2006 -
4 - 7Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head 11/6/2006 -
4 - 8Release the Dogs 11/13/2006 -
4 - 9Corey's Been Dead for an Hour 11/20/2006 -
4 - 10Kissing Abraham Lincoln 11/27/2006 -
4 - 11Walnuts and Demerol 12/11/2006 -
4 - 12Castrating Sheep in Montana 1/8/2007 -
4 - 13Don't Worry, Speed Racer 1/22/2007 -
4 - 14That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami 2/5/2007 -
4 - 15My Damn Stalker 2/12/2007 -
4 - 16Young People Have Phlegm Too 2/19/2007 -
4 - 17I Merely Slept with a Commie 2/26/2007 -
4 - 18It Never Rains in Hooterville 3/19/2007 -
4 - 19Smooth As a Ken Doll 4/9/2007 -
4 - 20Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot 4/16/2007 -
4 - 21Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous 4/23/2007 -
4 - 22Mr. McGlue's Feedbag 4/30/2007 -
4 - 23Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin 5/7/2007 -
4 - 24Prostitutes and Gelato 5/14/2007
5
Season 5 9/24/2007
-
5 - 1Large Birds, Spiders and Mom 9/24/2007 -
5 - 2Media Room Slash Dungeon 10/1/2007 -
5 - 3Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo 10/8/2007 -
5 - 4City of Great Racks 10/15/2007 -
5 - 5Putting Swim Fins on a Cat 10/22/2007 -
5 - 6Help Daddy Find His Toenail 10/29/2007 -
5 - 7Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room 11/5/2007 -
5 - 8Is There a Mrs. Waffles? 11/12/2007 -
5 - 9Tight's Good 11/19/2007 -
5 - 10Kinda Like Necrophilia 11/26/2007 -
5 - 11Meander to Your Dander 3/17/2008 -
5 - 12A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh 3/24/2008 -
5 - 13The Soil Is Moist 3/31/2008 -
5 - 14Winky-Dink Time 4/14/2008 -
5 - 15Rough Night in Hump Junction 4/21/2008 -
5 - 16Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty 4/28/2008 -
5 - 17Fish in a Drawer 5/5/2008 -
5 - 18If My Hole Could Talk 5/12/2008 -
5 - 19Waiting for the Right Snapper 5/19/2008
6
Season 6 9/22/2008
-
6 - 1Taterhead Is Our Love Child 9/22/2008 -
6 - 2Pie Hole, Herb 9/29/2008 -
6 - 3Damn You, Eggs Benedict 10/6/2008 -
6 - 4The Flavin' and the Mavin' 10/13/2008 -
6 - 5A Jock Strap in Hell 10/20/2008 -
6 - 6It's Always Nazi Week 11/3/2008 -
6 - 7Best H.O. Money Can Buy 11/10/2008 -
6 - 8Pinocchio's Mouth 11/17/2008 -
6 - 9The Mooch at the Boo 11/24/2008 -
6 - 10He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited 12/8/2008 -
6 - 11The Devil's Lube 12/15/2008 -
6 - 12Thank God for Scoliosis 1/12/2009 -
6 - 13I Think You Offended Don 1/19/2009 -
6 - 14David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie 2/2/2009 -
6 - 15I'd Like to Start with the Cat 2/9/2009 -
6 - 16She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime 3/2/2009 -
6 - 17The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? 3/9/2009 -
6 - 18My Son's Enormous Head 3/16/2009 -
6 - 19The Two Finger Rule 3/30/2009 -
6 - 20Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau 4/13/2009 -
6 - 21Above Exalted Cyclops 4/27/2009 -
6 - 22Sir Lancelot's Litter Box 5/4/2009 -
6 - 23Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth 5/11/2009 -
6 - 24Baseball with Better Steroids 5/18/2009
7
Season 7 9/21/2009
-
7 - 1818-jklpuzo 9/21/2009 -
7 - 2Whipped Unto the Third Generation 9/28/2009 -
7 - 3Mmm, Fish. Yum. 10/5/2009 -
7 - 4Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator 10/12/2009 -
7 - 5For the Sake of the Child 10/19/2009 -
7 - 6Give Me Your Thumb 11/2/2009 -
7 - 7Untainted by Filth 11/9/2009 -
7 - 8Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle. 11/16/2009 -
7 - 9Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair 11/23/2009 -
7 - 10That's Why They Call It Ball Room 12/7/2009 -
7 - 11Warning, It's Dirty 12/14/2009 -
7 - 12Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste 1/11/2010 -
7 - 13Yay, No Polyps! 1/18/2010 -
7 - 14Crude and Uncalled For 2/1/2010 -
7 - 15Aye, Aye, Captain 2/8/2010 -
7 - 16Tinkle Like a Princess 3/1/2010 -
7 - 17I Found Your Moustache 3/8/2010 -
7 - 18Ixnay on the Oggie Day 3/22/2010 -
7 - 19Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave 4/12/2010 -
7 - 20I Called Him Magoo 5/10/2010 -
7 - 21Gumby with a Pokey 5/17/2010 -
7 - 22This Is Not Gonna End Well 5/24/2010
8
Season 8 9/20/2010
-
8 - 1Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud 9/20/2010 -
8 - 2A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer 9/27/2010 -
8 - 3A Pudding-Filled Cactus 10/4/2010 -
8 - 4Hookers, Hookers, Hookers 10/11/2010 -
8 - 5The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel 10/18/2010 -
8 - 6Twanging Your Magic Clanger 10/25/2010 -
8 - 7The Crazy Bitch Gazette 11/1/2010 -
8 - 8Springtime on a Stick 11/8/2010 -
8 - 9A Good Time in Central Africa 11/15/2010 -
8 - 10Ow, Ow, Don't Stop 11/22/2010 -
8 - 11Dead from the Waist Down -
8 - 12Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead 12/13/2010 -
8 - 13Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup 1/3/2011 -
8 - 14Lookin' for Japanese Subs 1/17/2011 -
8 - 15Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak 2/7/2011 -
8 - 16That Darn Priest 2/14/2011
9
Season 9 9/19/2011
-
9 - 1Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt 9/19/2011 -
9 - 2People Who Love Peepholes 9/26/2011 -
9 - 3Big Girls Don't Throw Food 10/3/2011 -
9 - 4Nine Magic Fingers 10/10/2011 -
9 - 5A Giant Cat Holding a Churro 10/17/2011 -
9 - 6The Squat and the Hover 10/24/2011 -
9 - 7Those Fancy Japanese Toilets 10/31/2011 -
9 - 8Thank You for the Intercourse 11/7/2011 -
9 - 9Frodo's Headshots 11/14/2011 -
9 - 10A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes 11/21/2011 -
9 - 11What a Lovely Landing Strip 12/5/2011 -
9 - 12One False Move, Zimbabwe! 12/12/2011 -
9 - 13Slowly and in a Circular Fashion 1/2/2012 -
9 - 14A Possum on Chemo 1/16/2012 -
9 - 15The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack 2/6/2012 -
9 - 16Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy 2/13/2012 -
9 - 17Not in My Mouth! 2/20/2012 -
9 - 18The War Against Gingivitis 2/27/2012 -
9 - 19Palmdale, Ech 3/19/2012 -
9 - 20Grandma's Pie 4/9/2012 -
9 - 21Mr. Hose Says 'Yes' 4/16/2012 -
9 - 22Why We Gave Up Women 4/30/2012 -
9 - 23The Straw in My Donut Hole 5/7/2012 -
9 - 24Oh Look! Al-Qaeda! 5/14/2012
10
Season 10 9/27/2012
-
10 - 1I Changed My Mind About the Milk 9/27/2012 -
10 - 2A Big Bag of Dog 10/4/2012 -
10 - 3Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt 10/11/2012 -
10 - 4You Do Know What the Lollipop's For 10/18/2012 -
10 - 5That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam 10/25/2012 -
10 - 6Ferrets, Attack! 11/1/2012 -
10 - 7Avoid the Chinese Mustard 11/8/2012 -
10 - 8Something My Gynecologist Said 11/15/2012 -
10 - 9I Scream When I Pee 11/29/2012 -
10 - 10One Nut Johnson 12/6/2012 -
10 - 11Give Santa a Tail-Hole 12/13/2012 -
10 - 12Welcome to Alancrest 1/3/2013 -
10 - 13Grab a Feather and Get in Line 1/10/2013 -
10 - 14Run, Steven Staven! Run! 1/31/2013 -
10 - 15Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It 2/7/2013 -
10 - 16Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby 2/14/2013 -
10 - 17Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries 2/21/2013 -
10 - 18The 9:04 from Pemberton 3/7/2013 -
10 - 19Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon 3/14/2013 -
10 - 20Bazinga! That's from a TV Show 4/4/2013 -
10 - 21Another Night with Neil Diamond 4/25/2013 -
10 - 22My Bodacious Vidalia 5/2/2013 -
10 - 23Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped 5/9/2013
11
Season 11 9/26/2013
-
11 - 1Nangnangnangnang 9/26/2013 -
11 - 2I Think I Banged Lucille Ball 10/3/2013 -
11 - 3This Unblessed Biscuit 10/10/2013 -
11 - 4Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank 10/17/2013 -
11 - 5Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003 10/24/2013 -
11 - 6Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants 11/7/2013 -
11 - 7Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie 11/14/2013 -
11 - 8Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room. 11/21/2013 -
11 - 9Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer 12/5/2013 -
11 - 10On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer! 12/12/2013 -
11 - 11Tazed in the Lady Nuts 1/2/2014 -
11 - 12Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball. 1/9/2014 -
11 - 13Bite Me, Supreme Court 1/30/2014 -
11 - 14Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe 2/6/2014 -
11 - 15Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin 2/27/2014 -
11 - 16How to Get Rid of Alan Harper 3/6/2014 -
11 - 17Welcome Home, Jake 3/13/2014 -
11 - 18West Side Story 4/3/2014 -
11 - 19Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang 4/10/2014 -
11 - 20Lotta Delis in Little Armenia 4/24/2014 -
11 - 21Dial 1-900-Mix-a-Lot 5/1/2014 -
11 - 22Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead 5/8/2014
12
Season 12 10/30/2014
-
12 - 1The Ol' Mexican Spinach 10/30/2014 -
12 - 2A Chic Bar in Ibiza 11/6/2014 -
12 - 3Glamping in a Yurt 11/13/2014 -
12 - 4Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight 11/20/2014 -
12 - 5Oontz. Oontz. Oontz. 11/27/2014 -
12 - 6Alan Shot a Little Girl 12/4/2014 -
12 - 7Sex with an Animated Ed Asner 12/11/2014 -
12 - 8Family, Bublé, Deep-fried Turkey 12/18/2014 -
12 - 9Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey 1/8/2015 -
12 - 10Here I Come, Pants! 1/15/2015 -
12 - 11For Whom the Booty Calls 1/22/2015 -
12 - 12A Beer-Battered Rip-Off 1/29/2015 -
12 - 13Boompa Loved His Hookers 2/5/2015 -
12 - 14Don't Give a Monkey a Gun 2/12/2015 -
12 - 15Of Course He's Dead - Part One 2/19/2015 -
12 - 16Of Course He's Dead - Part Two 2/19/2015
Cast
Video trailer
Synopsis
Two And A Half Men is American sitcom that follows the life of a hedonistic jingle writer, Charlie Harper; his uptight brother, Alan and Alan's growing son, Jake. The series stars Jon Cryer as Alan Harper, Angus T. Jones as Jake Harper, Ashton Kutcher as Walden Schmidt, Conchata Ferrell as Berta, Holland Taylor as Evelyn Harper, and Marin Hinkle as Judith Melnick. In the previous seasons, 1-8, Charlie Sheen plays Charlie but was "killed" on the series and replaced by Ashton Kutcher's character as Walden.
Original title
Two And A Half Men
Synonyms
TMDb Rating
7.5 3257 votes
First air date
September 22, 2003
Seasons
12
Episodes
263
Similar titles
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